I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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