That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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