Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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