Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
