Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
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So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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