I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize