i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
