my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
