I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
