We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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