Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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