dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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