Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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