I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
FUCK WHALES
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
