you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
