dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
