She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
