He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
