Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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