Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize