He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
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I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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