oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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