Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
