I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize