Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont even know how to be here
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
