By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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