It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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