There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
