You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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