Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
