Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize