The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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