Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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