look no pants
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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