I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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