Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
