I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
