I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
