She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize