its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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