Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
MIDGETS
????
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
