You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
