Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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