He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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