At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how do you play pong handcuffed?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
