i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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