I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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