Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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