Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
