Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
