i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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