they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
