when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
