the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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