how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
