I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize