she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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