Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
