You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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