can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
