Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
