Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
