Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
