Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
