PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
