I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
