i just wanna soil my oats bro
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
