I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
