I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
