I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
