In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
