Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i've created a new STD.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
