Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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