So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why is your signature on my underwear?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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