We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm so fucking centered right now
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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