her vagine was all disorganized.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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