I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
