Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
