There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
