so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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