Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
