things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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