i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
