The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My nipple is on Facebook.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
