I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
