Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize