so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
