Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.