Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
