you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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